Single moms need reform school?

At NewMajority, where they have boldly dedicated themselves “to the modernization and renewal of the Republican party and the conservative movement,” the following photo was selected for a story about kids of single moms doing badly at school. (“No School Reform Until Single Moms Reform“)

Isn’t that ripe?

How sweet and innocent the child. How awful that mother, bold as brass in her bikini . . . dragging on her cancer stick and throwing her son a baleful look. Why not just stick a thought bubble on top of her head that reads, “Look kid—you’re interrupting my tanning time and I gotta hot date tonight. Now beat it.”

No wonder all our kids are doing badly, right?

Filed under: Single parents have stupid kids, critical thinking, fatherlessness, kids, life, solo life , single mothers, school, single moms, achievement, NewMajority

Another “Young, Uncertain” mom-to-be seeks advice from the New York Times

It started with Emmie, in grad school and unexpectedly pregnant. She wrote to NYT’s Motherlode column and asked what she should do—terminate, place the baby for adoption, or raise the child? Something like a thousand readers wrote in.

Now Liz has written, in much the same position. She’s already gone to counselling and has opted not to abort, something a few of the readers are stuck on but it’s quite clear that Liz has major ethical problems with abortion and won’t do it. (This despite the fact that she probably got mission-based counselling from a Christian agency. Doesn’t matter. You can tell she’s just not going there.)

However, Liz has also decided she will raise her child, even though she’s a self-described “covers their ears and sighs loudly in public places with screaming kids” type gal. Still, she feels she has much to give a child—she with a graduate degree under her belt soon too. Yes, indeedy.

She has a boyfriend too, the father of the child. Does not want to marry him. And this is where some of the readers are quite divided. There are those who are actually telling this 23-year-old that

If you want to do right by the child, and cannot go through with adoption, you need to marry the father so that the baby grows up with both parents. Otherwise, you are cheating your baby out of a stable home environment, which will be incredibly hard for you to establish alone, as well as making it hard to achieve what you want at the same time if you make the choice to be a single mom.

Please consider what you would want for yourself if you were the baby. There are way too many single moms out there, who ended up that way because they were too selfish to consider what the baby needs, what the father thinks, and not just what they themselves need.

Unbelievable. So Liz should just hand her kid over because there’s no way she can do this on her own. Actually, Liz has a good chance of making it with her education level, provided she can just get herself connected to the many resources out there available for single, pregnant women. Thankfully, this is where most of the advice is going, including some good advice from formerly pregnant grad students who’ve been there and defended the thesis at 7 months.

I often wonder what is going on in someone’s head when they argue that single motherhood is a selfish choice. What exactly would be achieved by Liz marrying the boyfriend she has known for only a few months? Why does the writer think that the only stable home environment is the married one? Ironically, one of the most stable family types is composed of the single mother who is not interested in getting married and keeps her dating life (if she has one) separate from her main focus—raising her child.

In fact, nothing can put a homelife into a tailspin like stupid boyfriend trouble or trouble between partners, married or otherwise. That is why a new study has confirmed that kids who grow up in stable single-parent homes generally do as well as kids being raised in married households in terms of emotional-behavioural issues and academic performance.

Anyway, go to the Times and leave your message for Liz. Let her know she can do it and there is help out there. I’ll be posting later in the day.

Filed under: Single parents have stupid kids, adoption, fatherlessness, kids, life , abortion, adoption, Emmie, father, grad school, Liz, married households, Motherlode, New York Times, pregnant, single motherhood

Single mothers: Leeches no more

Of course, there was the predictable bilge this week. Those commentators who can’t accept that single motherhood isn’t going away. Who keep trying to usher people to the altar and use that creepy word “intact”. . .

The life prospects for children born into intact families are so dramatically different from those born into single-parent homes that it would seem a gross injustice if it resulted from anything other than the free choice of parents. Actually, it is a gross injustice to the children — even if it is perpetrated by their parents.

But this week, there was also some sanity. An Eleanor Foundation report looking at the lives of single mothers in major US urban centres found that 76% of single mothers are employed and they all want economic self-sufficiency for themselves and success for their kids.

But many are being bitten in the ass by two big things: lack of educational attainment and paying more than 50% of their income on housing.

It’s not “not being married” that’s holding families back–as other research has already shown time and time again. It’s about level of education, income, and opportunity. You need at least one ace in your hand to have a fighting chance as a single-mom or single-dad household.

The reality, however, is that there are millions of single mothers working full-time to make ends meet, trying do right by their kids, but unable to rise above the $30,000 income level, which. . .if you live in a big city and pay big-city rent, is squat. And there’s no time and no help to make the situation any better.

In this Agence France Presse report about the EF research, some beautifully sensible observations (emphasis mine):

Large numbers of single mothers don’t earn enough to provide the basic essentials of life, the report said. ‘The financial stress these mothers face is demonstrated by the percent of their income they spend on housing costs. In 2007, 85 per cent of them spent 30 per cent or more of their income on housing costs, a condition that the US Department of Housing classifies as ‘housing burdened’,’ the report said.

More than half paid 50 per cent or more of their income to put a roof over their and their children’s heads, making them ‘housing distressed’ under the Department of Housing’s criteria. And yet, homes built in new communities are constructed for a happily married couple with two incomes – even though around 40 per cent of US kids are born out of wedlock and more than two in five marriages end in divorce.

‘A basic principle of housing and urban planning should be to provide accommodation for the kinds of families we actually have,’ the report said.

You betcha. Compare this reality to the couple on House Hunters a few nights ago whose budget was around $900,000. Why do we even show such people on television any more? In the entire world, how representative are they? These idiots even had the audacity to complain when their 6500-sq-foot-house turned out to have “close” neighbours. You-hoo: that’s because your house is so damned BIG, it’s probably touching Istanbul.

But I digress. The Eleanor report also talked about the fact that former US governments have tried to do everything possible to discourage single motherhood by eliminating the social safety net. But after they took it down and threw it in the garbage, the number of single moms just continued to rise.

Like I said. Unstoppable.

Filed under: Single parents have stupid kids, fatherlessness, kids, solo life , single mothers, education, income, housing, social safety net, Eleanor Foundation

Miss California, leave the stage

So now Miss California’s going to plug hetero marriage for the National Organization for Marriage, a quaint group that thinks the kids will get really confused if their parents aren’t mom and pop tied up in a knot. Seriously.

Children are confused enough right now with sexual messages. Let’s not confuse them further.

And by the way, folks, this is Maggie Gallagher’s organization–she who believes it’s more important to marry than be picky about it.

Pity NOM thinking someone like Miss C. with her charity boob job and an elementary grasp of human rights is going to help them. It’d all be so stupid except that NOM gets to raise its head off the pillow for one last attack on single parenthood and fatherlessness too, one of the primary reasons the group was founded. Go here for all the old lies.

You know: Marriage keeps your kids from being poor, physically or mentally abused, suicidal, or a dunce like Carrie Prejean.

Yeah, I read my own last post about adoption language but the gloves are off tonight. Miss California, you’re a complete idiot.

Filed under: Single parents have stupid kids, fatherlessness, kids, life, solo life , single parenthood, Maggie Gallagher, gay and lesbian, fatherlessness, Miss California, Carrie Prejean, National Organization for Marriage

Single parents have stupid kids

A few days ago I set up a Google Alert for single parents because I’m interested in tracking what folks are saying about the risk to kids in non-traditional families. Safe to say that (on the surface, at least) the news is all bad. I mean, people have been saying our kids are challenged for years and we keep proving them wrong. What’s driving this truck: an agenda to promote one family type.

Yesterday’s Heritage Foundation study, “Academic Success Begins at Home: How Children Can Succeed at School,” came with this blurb:

Social science research demonstrates a strong link between the intact family structure, parental involvement, and educational outcomes, from school readiness to college completion. The intact family has eroded dramatically over the last four decades with significant implications for children’s well-being. Strengthening marriage and promoting stable family formation as well as parental involvement could lead to significant gains in student achievement.

Conservative pundits have already weighed in, talking about the “erosion of the family,” “promiscuity,” and “lack of moral training.” Oh, gimme a break people. Once you start combing through this study and others like it, it’s so obvious that

1. single people are not a monolith

2. many factors affect a child’s readiness/success at school including parent education, parent involvement, family income, quality of family life. . .the list goes on. Let’s start looking at those factors. Are they connected to being single? Nope.

I don’t have time to take on this study now but I will be looking at sections of it and other research on this topic in future posts. But here’s an interesting tidbit. Most people don’t have a moral agenda about adoption. But did you know that, statistically, adopted kids have the highest incidence of developmental delays and learning disabilities? When do you ever hear the cry to stop adoption (except by bio-fundamentalists who think no mother should ever relinquish). Food for thot.

Filed under: Single parents have stupid kids , education, families, Heritage Foundation, income, kids, non-traditional families, parents, single parents, study, success at school